Spoof ColumnDear Doctor Joe,
I heard ur good at helpin peeple so i thoght i wood ask.
How kan I get my boy outta jail??? He’s in thar for 75 yeers (or maybee 75 days, i forget).
I has tryied the normal methods like dynomite and tryied shooting threw the visitor glass with a gun but its purdy strong cuz bullets bounced back and hit the gard. He was hardly hurt at all but he carried on like it was the end of the world.
So it would be luvly if u cud tell me what to do quik like so my son can get out of jail.
a fed up with police mother
Breaking someone out of jail is very hard to do.
Fortunately for you I have two plans!
Here is plan A. Since it is hard to break into jail, we’ll get the authorities to bring your boy out!
This is what you do. Buy two very large amounts of marijuana, say fifty pounds each. Your local biker gang can help you out with this.
Take the first amount and wrap it up good and mail it to the prison guards at the jail. For a return address use the Prison Guard Union address. That way the dope is both coming from them and going to them.
Take the second amount of marijuana and hide it in the woods down by the railway tracks.
Now, when the package you mailed gets to the prison, phone the police and tell them the guards are getting a large marijuana shipment, which will be true.
They will attend and arrest all the prison guards. At this point your son is to yell out from his cell, “I know where there is more!”
The police will ask him where and he will say, “In the woods down by the railway tracks.”
At this point, call the army and tell them to get to the railway tracks quick! This is very important.
The police will take your son to the woods down by the railway tracks and he will show them the second stash of dope.
The police will ask, with the army present, how he knew the marijuana was there. This is where he says, “Because the police put it here every week for the prison guards to pick-up!”
At this point, the army will arrest the police.
With all the prison guards and police arrested, there is no one left to hold your son and he can just walk away. Neat, huh!
If you don’t like Plan A, you can use Plan B. I like it better myself. It is not as fun, but it is so much simpler.
Here is Plan B. Go into the games area of your house and get the monopoly game. Take the Get Out Of Jail Card Free Card and take it down to the prison. Give to the guard on duty and your son will get out. Simple, huh?
If possible, it is best to go down after midnight when Officer Dosey is on duty. He likes Monopoly and could use an extra card.
Hope this helps you.
At Your Service
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