Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Willy Longbeard from Nov 15, 2006

Outer View
by Old Willy Longbeard
   It was just one of those days. At least it started that way. I should have known it was happening when I dropped the glass coffee carafe into the metal sink. Oh my!
   It didn’t break, though. It just bounced a whole lot. My eyes kept waiting for it to bust but it didn’t.
   I was so happy about that that I didn’t pay close attention to what I was doing and promptly knocked the pancake batter off the counter onto the floor. But it didn’t go to the floor directly, you understand. No, it didn’t. First it went down my shirt and pants, and then it plopped on the floor. Was a gravity-directed operation all the way, no doubt about that.
   Wouldn’t you know that was just when someone knocked on my side door? What kind of coincidence is that? So I splashed over to the door real quick like and flung it open.
   Well, it wasn’t a someone. No it wasn’t! It was a black bear.
   He hadn’t knocked exactly; he had just bumped into it hard while he was rooting through my garden box next to the door.
   I guess he never seen anyone all covered in pancake mix before because he took one look at me and took off faster than a squirrel.
   I didn’t react right away, no I didn’t. I just stood there looking for a moment and then I noticed I was shaking. Bears can make ya do that, did ya know?
   Who woulda thought the phone would ring right about then, too? Well, it did. So I splashed over there too and found it was a telemarketer wanting to know how my septic tank was doing. Well, I tell ya I wanted to say some words to him from my septic tank but I don’t talk like that so I didn’t. I just told him I was too old to use the bathroom anymore but thanks and good-bye.
   Finally, when I got everything all cleaned up, I sat myself down to listen to the radio news. They had a story on there about this man who had a sex-change operation and was now a woman. He had become a she. And now she had gone to the courts with a lawsuit. Seems she had applied for work as a bunny in a Playboy club and got turned down. She said it was discrimination.
   I guess I am just getting old, but things just don’t make sense to me any more, no they don’t.
   But later that day a little two year-old girl came by and she put everything in a right perspective. She had just seen her first butterfly ever and the way she told it, it was about the most marvellous thing anyone anywhere could ever possibly see. A hundred times over, even.
   I think she is right too. It’s all in how you see things isn’t it?

   ‘Til next time. Farewell.

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