Outer View
by Old Willy Longbeard
It was just one of those days. At least it
started that way. I should have known it was happening when I dropped the glass
coffee carafe into the metal sink. Oh my!
It didn’t break, though. It just bounced a
whole lot. My eyes kept waiting for it to bust but it didn’t.
I was so happy about that that I didn’t pay
close attention to what I was doing and promptly knocked the pancake batter off
the counter onto the floor. But it didn’t go to the floor directly, you understand.
No, it didn’t. First it went down my shirt and pants, and then it plopped on
the floor. Was a gravity-directed operation all the way, no doubt about that.
Wouldn’t you know that was just when someone
knocked on my side door? What kind of coincidence is that? So I splashed over
to the door real quick like and flung it open.
Well, it wasn’t a someone. No it wasn’t! It
was a black bear.
He hadn’t knocked exactly; he had just
bumped into it hard while he was rooting through my garden box next to the
door.
I guess he never seen anyone all covered in
pancake mix before because he took one look at me and took off faster than a
squirrel.
I didn’t react right away, no I didn’t. I
just stood there looking for a moment and then I noticed I was shaking. Bears
can make ya do that, did ya know?
Who woulda thought the phone would ring
right about then, too? Well, it did. So I splashed over there too and found it
was a telemarketer wanting to know how my septic tank was doing. Well, I tell
ya I wanted to say some words to him from my septic tank but I don’t talk like
that so I didn’t. I just told him I was too old to use the bathroom anymore but
thanks and good-bye.
Finally, when I got everything all cleaned
up, I sat myself down to listen to the radio news. They had a story on there
about this man who had a sex-change operation and was now a woman. He had become
a she. And now she had gone to the courts with a lawsuit. Seems she had applied
for work as a bunny in a Playboy club and got turned down. She said it was
discrimination.
I guess I am just getting old, but things
just don’t make sense to me any more, no they don’t.
But later that day a little two year-old
girl came by and she put everything in a right perspective. She had just seen
her first butterfly ever and the way she told it, it was about the most
marvellous thing anyone anywhere could ever possibly see. A hundred times over,
even.
I
think she is right too. It’s all in how you see things isn’t it?
‘Til next time. Farewell.
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